I suppose in order to be authentic, one must be real to the point of pain at times for the greater good. SO, here goes. This was not a pretty morning. Instead of having a peaceful wake up and start to the weekend, it was met with chaos and confrontation ( much of which I created)! I hate that. I have this thought process that tells me that mornings are reserved for serenity and calmness. That somehow there is an unwritten rule that the volume must be lower, cooperation must engaged, and everyone is smiley and full of rest! NOT! I think I am realizing that maybe the expectations for the "movie-perfect" rise and shine are a bit out of whack. I often find myself, in my minds eye, imagining life at a level beyond my reach. Not to say it will never be attainable, but reality is that the stage I dream about is beyond the length of my arm. I think I am "the grass is always greener" kind of gal! Not with everything mind you. There are places of my heart that are very satisfied and content. But at the same time, I am a dreamer. It is part of who I am and how I was created and, therefore, needing to be embraced. Where do you draw the line between being in la-la land, and being free to be! It is a fine one and I think expectations fall under this category. Expecting perfection from little people is never a good idea, and reality says expecting beyond measure from anybody is a set up for failure. Why do I do it? Why would I ever want to put an unfair pressure on a loved one that I know they can't meet? Isn't that bizarre? This is where I am left this morning. I have been replaying the events of the morning knowing that although I was justified in much of the exchange, so much could have been avoided by me being a grown up. Here is what I am pondering. Although there has to be grace for myself, I am a big girl. I do not want to live my life using any form of control to get the results I think I want. Surrendered is where I want to be. Fully and wholly surrendered to the greater plan and the greater One. After all, He is the One who gives the dreams anyway and the blueprint for their birth and execution. His desire for me within relationship with those around me, including my children, is far beyond what I could ever fathom. My expectations need to rest. I need a break from getting outside people's abilities and let them be as well. I have never considered the fact that my authenticity depends on me releasing others to be authentic themselves. That is truth isn't it? Soaring by myself would be a drag. Even birds are usually in flocks for a reason. The journey would be awfully dismal without all of them flying individually and yet headed together, watching each other's backs, headed for the destiny of that season! On that note I am encouraged to get the flock out of here!!!!!
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when I started to lower my expectations of others, things got easier for me!
I hear you....I really want to learn how to have real expectations and yet grace. Does that make sense? I don't want to lower my expectations so far that I expect nothing of value, although giving people the freedoms they need to be as well! I guess this is one of the great adventures of constant schooling thru life we have???? Thanks for joining and posting, it is so fun to have you mintagehome!
I love that you can collect your thoughts and write them out in an orderly fashion. I have many of the same thoughts, but scrambled and messy. :)
BTW, are you the oldest of your siblings? I'm an only child (which shares the traits of first-borns). I'm just seeing lots of similarities in our views and ideals. Just curious.
And yes, I agree -- I've finally begun to lower expectations of those around me and am much happier.